I lie half-awake every night before I fall into a deep slumber, occupied by thoughts. Various thoughts.
Sometimes, they're toxic, otherwise, they're pleasant. And yes, they do revolve around you, most of the time. While it's true that at times, I go to bed with endless streams of tears running down my face, dampening my pillow cases and your crimson sweater, it is also true that on other nights, I fall asleep with a warm smile carved upon my face. And the latter is what's important right now. Always. You are what I would call the Ultimate Cause; you stir all sorts of emotions in me, be it anger, happiness, sadness. Though they are not exactly 'ideal' types of emotions to be experiencing due to an effect imposed by your significant other, you and I must agree that they are inevitable. Rather than calling you out for the traces of hurt and rage that you've somehow left me with, I would like to, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for it all. These feelings, the negative ones, they are what's keeping me human and reminding me of the strength that I do not possess. And it's okay. It's okay that my vulnerability is existent, and I'm more than glad that you're the one to make me realize that fact. You know why? Because you told me once, that you'd be my strength when I'm at my weakest point, and you have proven yourself to be more than enough. You've listened to my cries, endured my tantrums, stayed by me to ensure that I'm alright at the end of the day. Sure, we've had pointless arguments over petty things, and problems and conflicts and the like. Sure, we'd always resort to me bursting into a fit of tears and you helplessly trying to coax me into feeling better. Guiltily, I'll admit that that's the best part of all our arguments. When you try your best to calm me down and cheer me up. When you tell me to stop crying because you're sorry, and that you'll never do it again. That's when I feel it, your strength, I suppose. Because as soon as you do that, I get a change of heart, an epiphany, that none of it matters. None of the issues at hand, the problems arising between us, they're nothing compared to what we've established over the course of almost 12 months of being together. Nothing can ever shake the foundation that holds our relationship together, and that is respect, love and trust. I am at my best when I'm with you, physically or mentally. Every drop of tear that I spilled for you and because of you, is worth it. Because you always make sure that a smile will crack the temporary depressing facade that I have on, because you're the rainbow after every rain, the sunshine after every storm. I've never been happier, loved and in love.