"It's not the right time."

"I'm not ready yet."

"I will, one day, when I am fully prepared."

Among the common excuses given by girls when being questioned as to why they have yet to cover up.
Honestly, I've been guilty of using said answers in the past, and for quite some time, I truly believed that I wasn't ready for the life that followed the transition. I've been told that not everything necessarily starts out with sincerity, and that you just have to do it regardless of what you feel about it, because it is God's command. I won't argue with that reason, because it is in fact, true. Believe me, it was especially hard to be nagged at everyday, being the object of scorn, being told the same thing over and over again. It was a difficult gesture for me, as the environment I grew accustomed to was not very strict about such religious laws. Apart from that, I lacked comprehension of the purpose of covering up, believing that it was only required in the Middle East due to the sandy surroundings.

During my first year in university, I received many glares and awkward stares from people around me. Apparently, I stood out like a sore thumb. It wasn't very pleasant, but I didn't let it get to me. For many months ahead, I continued to ignore their signals of displeasure and disapproval, shrugging them off as "lack of understanding". I've been jeered at in public countless of times, by both males and females alike (some of them being "hijabis"). In my defense, I would whip out those exact lines, expecting them to be on the same page as me. Due to the behaviors portrayed by the public, I grew distant from the idea of covering up, believing that someone's true nature cannot be judged solely by their appearance. And though that might be true, I was still wrong for deriving such a conclusion.

Alas, my path was lighted and I was given the chance to change. It came without a warning, it just happened. I decided one day, without the persuasion of anyone, that I wanted to cover up. And I did. As far as I could remember, I didn't need any kind of preparation. I just did what I felt was right, and it felt right alright. I now realize that the excuses I used were nothing but lies that I told myself to stall the process of transforming. I must admit that I am still not ready to face the life that has come after the transition. There are days when I wish I could undo it and revert to my old self, but perseverance is key, and with all the support I got from my friends, I don't think I will go back to my old self.

I am merely human and I am not perfect. I still commit sins, and I am not entirely covered up yet, but I am learning. I'm still trying to get used to the change, and as time passes, I'm confident that I would have transformed completely when the day arrives.

Wallahualam.